


Cognizant

by Fernon



Series: Beginnings [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Soonhoon - Freeform, baker Soonyoung, baseball Jihoon, like it's mostly for pushing the storyline along, like side character Kihyun, mostly angst, school teacher Jihoon, side Soonyoung/Seokmin, side meanie, small amount of fluff, tiny involvement of Monsta X
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernon/pseuds/Fernon
Summary: The only person in the world that could make Jihoon drop anything for, is Soonyoung. The only person in the world that makes Jihoon feel soft and gross and fluffy inside, is Soonyoung. The only person in the world that is allowed to call him Woozi, is Soonyoung.Which sucks, because Soonyoung is his roommate.And it sucks even more, when Soonyoung gets a boyfriend.(You don't need to read the other two works in this series for it to make sense, it's just all set in the same universe)





	Cognizant

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here's your Soonhoon angst, people. I also made the spontaneous decision to make Jihoon a baseball coach when Hobi (shoutout yet again bc you've been the biggest help with all these fics) and I were talking about Baseball Player Jihoon and actually dying over the concept. 
> 
> AGAIN, this is not one you need to read before or after the other two works in this series!
> 
> I suck at writing angst, I think. Hopefully there's some humor in there too. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

            “Jihoon, whether you’ll admit it or not, you _like_ Soonyoung.” Wonwoo, Jihoon’s best friend, had insisted to him, one night after they had closed shop and went out for drinks at the local bar. Jihoon had denied it for so long, that he adamantly denied it every time Wonwoo tried to point it out to him. Now, he was tipsy, and considering it, but he shook his head again.

            “Do not. Soonyoung is just my roommate. And my friend.” Jihoon states.

            “You do too, Jihoon. You’ve known Soonyoung for barely a year now, and you drop everything you’re doing for him. If he called you at three am for a ride home, because he was drunk, you’d wake up out of a dead slumber and drive to get him. And then you’d tuck him in when he got home, and give him Advil, and leave a glass of water on his bedside table. Or, if he called you while you were in the middle of teaching, you’d pick up. If he said his car broke down, and he was crying because he had a delivery to make, you’d pull a lunch monitor or the principal into your class to watch them while you drove to pick Soonyoung up and drive him to the delivery site and calm him down. That’s what you do when you care about someone.” Wonwoo gives him a look, like he knows he’s right.

            “Well you care about your _friends_ , so there.” Jihoon crosses his arm, a bit annoyed with him.

            “No, you do things for him that people don’t do for their friends. They’d look up some towing places for their friend and wait until the tow truck got there to pick them up. Or, if they _did_ pick their friend up, they’d just drive them to an auto shop. Or if their friend is drunk, you drive them home, sure, but leave them to deal with their hangover in the morning on their own. That’s all the stuff you’ve done for me, and I’ve known you since we were 14. You’ve barely known Soonyoung for a year and you drop any and everything for him, if he needs the help. Need I mention the fact that you guys have _nicknames_ for each other? Like pet names? Jihoon, you’re whipped.”

            Jihoon can only blink, as realization hits him like a ton of bricks. He’s got a big, ugly, stupid crush, on his roommate.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Now that Jihoon is aware of his crush on Soonyoung, life has become hell for him. He’s constantly wondering what Soonyoung would think of the new shirt he’s buying, or looking for second meanings behind his words, and pining over how cute Soonyoung looked with messy hair in the morning.

Now when Soonyoung got out of the shower and wandered around the apartment in just his sweatpants, he made Jihoon’s heart race, and his cheeks flush; And when Soonyoung snuggled with him on the couch while they watched movies together, Jihoon could feel butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.

Jihoon felt soft, and that felt gross. He also felt nervous, now that he knew he actually had feelings for his roommate, and he was almost terrified to have conversations with him, for fear of accidentally confessing. He feared letting something slip, that would give away his big, stupid, ugly crush on Soonyoung, and would totally ruin any friendship between the two.

Jihoon hates that he was aware of his pining after Soonyoung now, because now it _hurt_ that Soonyoung wasn’t in his arms when he fell asleep at night, or giving him little nose kisses, or having shower sex with him when Jihoon was feeling needy. Jihoon’s heart ached for Soonyoung.

Jihoon hates Wonwoo, for making Jihoon aware.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

It’s a Saturday, and Jihoon has spent his morning lounging on the couch watching lame reality TV and grading homework from his class, waiting for 10 to roll around, when he has to go in and do lessons at Wonwoo’s shop. Jihoon is silent and focused until he notices an odd smell, and his nose involuntarily wrinkles up at it.

“Shit!” Soonyoung swears in the kitchen, and Jihoon can hear the flapping of an oven mitt. Something is burning. Jihoon’s eyes widen and he tosses the binder and all the papers down on the other end of the couch and springs up, running to the kitchen.

“What?! What happened?” Jihoon asks, clearly a bit panicking. There stands his roommate, throwing open all the windows and trying to wave out some of the smoke.

“This piece of shit oven did it again! It burnt my goddamn cupcakes! Literally just because it’s old and doesn’t work!” Soonyoung whines. “Shit! The smoke detector! Put a wet cloth on it before it starts going off! I can’t have the landlord getting angry because the stupid thing alerted the fire department again!”

Jihoon scrambles to grab some paper towels and run them over cold water, and then hurries over to the counter under the smoke detector. He climbs onto the counter and quickly slaps the wet cloth over the thing, and then hops down to help Soonyoung air the apartment out. He grabs a fan from the spare room and sets it up so the slight fog blows out the kitchen and into the living room, towards the other three windows, which he makes sure to open.

Soonyoung is still flapping the dish towel, coughing just a bit, and grumbling about the old ass oven that the apartment came with. Jihoon watches and sighs. He hates seeing Soonyoung angry. “I need 132 cupcakes by 6 tonight! And now I’m down 24! Fuck this oven!” Soonyoung kicks the bottom of it, leaving a dent in the little slide out drawer that once housed their pots and pans, until the oven went on the fritz a few months ago. They took them all out so Soonyoung’s friend, Chan, could try and do some repairs on it. It didn’t work, and now the drawer doesn’t close all the way.

“Hey! Soonbug, calm down, okay?” Jihoon reaches out and pats the other boy’s arm, using his nickname for the other. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Jihoon, it’s 9:30 and I only have 24 done! And I have to decorate them still! That will take at least four hours! Look at this design!” Soonyoung holds up a piece of paper, which he had sketched out his idea for a sort of flower design with the frosting, and very meticulously placed jewels, which are edible? Jihoon has no idea. It’s a wonderful design, though. “And now I have to go to the goddamn grocery store and get more cake mix, since I won’t have time to make my own from scratch, and this goddamn oven is going to burn them all, but I don’t have time to pack up and move to Seungcheol’s shop to borrow the pizza oven, let alone be able to use it, since they open early on Saturdays-”

Jihoon pouts. “Soonbug. Do I need to make you do your breathing?”

“No…” Soonyoung just tugs at his hair, like he does when he’s angry or upset. Jihoon gently takes the other’s hands and untangles them from his hair and holds them very gingerly.

“Hey. You’ll be alright, Soonie. Just take a deep breath. If you need me to, I’ll cancel the one lesson I have today, and stay back to help you. Or if you want, I can call Wonwoo, and ask him if we can go to his house and use his kitchen. They just got that really nice stove installed recently, remember? And I can pick up the cake mix for you, just in case you can’t make more batter.” He looks at Soonyoung, hoping his eyes are calming and soft, to give Soonyoung some form of comfort. Soonyoung stares into Jihoon’s eyes for a few moments.

Then Soonyoung sighs, closing his eyes for a minute, calming himself. “I can’t make you miss your lessons. Even if you only have one. But if you could call Wonwoo about borrowing his kitchen that would be amazing…?” Soonyoung looks at him hopefully.

“Sure! I’ll call him right now and check.” Jihoon offers a smile and then hurries to the living room to grab his phone. He quickly dials Wonwoo’s number.

“What’s up, Jihoon?” Wonwoo’s mouth sounds full, and he sounds slightly tired still.

“Can Soonyoung come over and use your kitchen for the day? Our oven is on the fritz again and we really can’t afford to piss the landlord off all over again.” Jihoon’s voice is flat, like he wasn’t just the softest, most reassuring person for his roommate all of thirty seconds ago.

“Doing everything for your crush again, I see.” Wonwoo’s mouth is clear now, and Jihoon can hear his friend’s smirk through the phone.

“Jeon Wonwoo, if you don’t wipe the look off your face right now, I will reach through the phone and smack it off your face. Shut the hell up about the C-word.” Jihoon growls.

“Crush? Why are you coding things? Soonyoung listening? OI, SOONYOUNG, JIHOON IS WHIPPED-”

“JEON WONWOO SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!” Jihoon moves the phone away from his ear and yells right back, hoping that he assaulted Wonwoo’s eardrums as well. He doesn’t hear the yelling anymore, so he brings it back to his ear. “Just answer the damn question. He doesn’t have much time to finish these cupcakes. We need to move everything ASAP.”

“Lemme ask Mingyu. Although I doubt he cares.” Wonwoo sets the phone down and Jihoon can distantly hear him chatting, before he comes back and confirms that yes, Soonyoung can indeed come use their kitchen for the day.

“Thanks. We’ll be there in 40 minutes.” Jihoon says, before hanging up.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Soonyoung manages to deliver all 132 cupcakes in time, and the cake batter he bought actually made two extra cupcakes, which he frosted with the little bit of leftover frosting he had. Now, he and Jihoon are snuggled up on the couch together, watching one of Soonyoung’s cooking shows, and eating the leftover cupcakes.

“Soonbug?” Jihoon asks.

“Yeah, Woozi?” Soonyoung tears his eyes away from the TV to look down at his roommate. Jihoon hates that nickname, except when Soonyoung used it. Soonyoung is the only one _allowed_ to use it, without getting beat up. Well, Soonyoung and his mom, at least. He regretted getting drunk enough to email all his friends about the nickname that his mother had bestowed upon him when he was young. He only hated the nickname because all of his friends teased him about it. But Soonyoung (and his mother) were an exception to this.

“We should save up to have the kitchen remodeled. I mean, the stove is jacked, the fridge is tiny and it’s old as shit too, and you’re always complaining about disorganization in the cupboards and lack of storage and counterspace. I have like 7 or 8 thousand in my savings.” Jihoon wouldn’t tell him that he was saving to put that money towards his dream home, because now he only wanted home if it was with Soonyoung.

“Wait… Jihoon are you serious…?” Soonyoung sits up, and leans forward to look at Jihoon, in shock and excitement.

“Yeah. The best baker in the city deserves the best kitchen to bake in, right?” Jihoon gives him the smallest of smiles.

“Jihoon that’s incredible! Oh my god! I mean- I only have about a thousand, myself, but- oh my god really?! A whole new kitchen?! I’ll pay for most of it- Jihoon don’t protest!”

“Soonyoung, I don’t mind paying for it, this is _our_ apartment, after all. We’d have to share the kitchen.” Jihoon smiles at the way his roommate’s face is positively _glowing_ with excitement.  Jihoon wouldn’t bring up the fact that he had no skills in the kitchen whatsoever, so he never uses it. He burnt rice, once. And he can’t make toast without it coming out like a tiny, black, crummy brick. His dinners on nights that Soonyoung wasn’t home, were microwaveable. Or involved cereal.

“I mean- we’d have to let the neighbors know, and ask the landlord- oh shit, he’s gonna be the biggest problem in all of this…” Soonyoung’s face falls.

“So we tell him it will help to not set the fire alarms off. And that when we move out, having a baking kitchen will make it worth more.”

“Won’t rent go up?”

“That won’t be too big of an issue. I make enough extra to cover the costs, until your business gets bigger.”

“Oh my god, Woozi! You’re the best roommate ever! I fucking love you!”

And then Soonyoung is hugging Jihoon, making Jihoon’s heart race. Jihoon hugs him back, almost gingerly, but then latches on more when Soonyoung gives him the tiniest squeeze.

Jihoon’s heart races faster, but his mood falls.

If only Soonyoung meant the same kind of love as Jihoon felt for him.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

And now here Jihoon was, standing in the middle of Soonyoung’s (and his) new kitchen, staring at the boy in front of him, who was squealing in delight and running in circles around the island they now had, and running his hands along the nice marble countertops, and bouncing around, poking the oven and the fridge, and opening all the cupboards.

“I LOVE IT, JIHOONIE! LOOK AT IT!” Soonyoung is quite literally _yelling._

Jihoon can only laugh at his roommate, before he reminds him that ‘just about every person on the block can hear him, including the neighbors in surrounding apartments.’ At this, Soonyoung grows bashful, but remains energetic and excited.

“I’m gonna make us dessert! And dinner! A whole feast! Just because we have a new kitchen!” Soonyoung declares, before hurrying to grab his keys and wallet off the dining room table and running out the door. Jihoon can’t even say goodbye, before his roommate is gone. A huge smile is still on Jihoon’s face, because Soonyoung is happy. He chuckles and shakes his head, feeling pretty elated himself, with seeing Soonyoung this happy.

Jihoon sends some pictures of the new kitchen to Wonwoo, who makes a comment about how Jihoon literally had a whole kitchen built for the guy he likes. Jihoon just tells him to shut the hell up, because he _got it_ , he was whipped for Soonyoung. Unfortunately, Jihoon had no idea where to begin, if he were to tell Soonyoung about his feelings.

Wonwoo messages and asks if he wants to go out for drinks later tonight. Jihoon replies that he doesn’t know, because he has to coach for the youth baseball league at 6, and Soonyoung is planning a feast, so he has no idea what to do. Wonwoo just tells him to let him know, so they could go out if he wants.

Jihoon sits and grades some papers, while he waits for Soonyoung to get home. Upon arrival home, Soonyoung’s arms are full of groceries, and he’s grinning like a fool. Jihoon glances up at Soonyoung and a small smile tugs at his lips again.

“Still excited about the kitchen?” Jihoon asks.

“Yes! But something else spectacular happened to me at the store! Guess what?”

“You found a million dollars?” Jihoon chuckles.

“No? Oh my god I think I’d be dead if I found a million freaking dollars laying on the ground. Anyways, I ran into my old roommate from college! Seokmin!” Soonyoung grins.

“Oh, cool! It’s been a while since you’ve seen him, hasn’t it been?” Jihoon is still smiling, because Soonyoung often tells stories of his old roommate, and complains about how he misses the man.

“I haven’t seen him since college! Except on the TV, he’s an MC on a show, which I only really watch when my favorite groups are on it… But, I got his number! And he wants to hang out tonight!”

“That’s great! I might be going out for drinks with Wonwoo after baseball practice is done, if you want to come with us? And you can bring Seokmin.” Jihoon smiles.

“Really?! Jihoon you’re the best!”

            -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            Jihoon regrets ever offering for Soonyoung to come, let alone bring Seokmin. Seokmin is _hot._ Like, he could be a model, with Wonwoo’s boyfriend, Mingyu. And holy shit, Seokmin is charismatic. _And,_ the bastard is funny. And he’s nice. And he’s bouncy, and he’s happy, and he’s intelligent as _fuck._

            And he’s dancing with Soonyoung, who’s drunk and flirting with everyone except Jihoon.

            Jihoon is jealous.

            _Jihoon_ should be the one dancing with Soonyoung, and _Jihoon_ should be the one paying for Soonyoung’s drinks, and _Jihoon_ should be the one who’s flirting with Soonyoung.

            _Jihoon_ should have all of Soonyoung’s attention.

            But instead, Jihoon is sitting on a barstool alone, arms crossed, pouting, and feeling slightly betrayed by his own head, (or heart, maybe?) for being greedy and wanting to see Soonyoung even happier, by agreeing to allow Soonyoung to bring Seokmin.

            Jihoon hates it. He hates every second of it.

            And he hates Seokmin. At least the fact that Seokmin gets to be the one who Soonyoung is grinding on.

            “Jealous, much?” Wonwoo appears beside Jihoon again, leaning over the bar to order two drinks- one for himself, and one for Mingyu. “Or are you checking out Prince Charming, over there?” Wonwoo nods towards Seokmin

            “Fuck off, Wonwoo. Stop asking me rhetorical questions.” Jihoon grumbles, still pouting.

            “Hey, bartender? I also need a shot of something strong. Vodka or rum or something.” Wonwoo calls to the person mixing drinks, and then turns back to Jihoon. “Dude, you need to lighten up a bit. Go and dance, find a random stranger to make out with. Just don’t make out with Seokmin, even if he _could_ charm the pants off anyone. That guy is quite literally Prince Charming. Mingyu even thinks he’s hot.”

            “Yeah, well anyone is hot compared to you, Wonwoo.” Jihoon snaps, and Wonwoo pretends like he’s in pain, clutching his chest.

            “Ooh, damn, that one hurt, Woozi.” Wonwoo smirks at Jihoon, who smacks him, and Wonwoo laughs. “Seriously, though. Here, have a shot. It’ll take just a little bit of the edge off.” Wonwoo slides the shot of vodka towards Jihoon, who grumbles, but throws it back with a wince. Jihoon didn’t drink much, since he tends to get drunk too easily. Between his height and weight, it didn’t take much alcohol to make him tipsy. He could handle maybe three shots if he was lucky, and two drinks of anything else, before he was making poor choices.

            Jihoon was an emotional drunk, too. Any time he got drunk, he cried. Last time he was drunk, truly drunk, was just before Soonyoung moved in, and he watched a video about baby pandas and started sobbing. Jihoon just took one of his allotted three shots, and would not be drinking much else tonight.

            “Go dance, stupid. Some hot single guy will approach you. I’ve seen that guy over there looking just as quiet and lonely as you, and he’s pretty cute.” Wonwoo’s face is close to Jihoon’s ear now, so he doesn’t have to yell over the music in the bar. He points to a guy across the bar, who looks just as ‘done with everyone’s shit’ as Jihoon himself, and he doesn’t seem to be having any more fun. Jihoon had to agree, despite the intense resting bitch face, the guy was pretty good looking. He was no Soonyoung, though.

            “Why meee?” Jihoon whines. “I don’t like people.”

            “Alright fine. I’ll ask Mingyu to try and send the guy your way.” Wonwoo winks and slips into the crowd of dancing people, before Jihoon can protest. He just facepalms and groans, feeling ready to punch his best friend.

            Jihoon is barely sitting there for five minutes, when he notices a presence on the stool beside him, and looks up to see the guy from before, that Wonwoo had pointed out to him. “Oh!” Jihoon exclaims, nearly falling out of his seat.

            “Oh! Careful!” the man chuckles, reaching a hand out to catch him, but luckily he didn’t need to catch Jihoon.

            “You startled me! I’m so sorry...” Jihoon can’t help but look away from the other guy.

            “I’m Kihyun. Your friend sent me over, I guess?”

            “Wonwoo, that bastard…” Jihoon grumbles, and lets his head plop down onto the counter, before he sighs and uprights himself. “I’m so sorry about him. He’s trying to convince me to go and have fun when I’ve been watching the guy I’m in love with grind up on his college roommate. It’s pretty depressing… I’m sorry I’m dumping this on you. My name is Jihoon.”

            Kihyun looks a bit sympathetic for the other boy. “That must suck. I’m sorry you’ve had to watch that all evening. But it was really nice to meet you. What do you do for a living?”

            “I’m a school teacher. And I teach music lessons at my friend’s music shop.”  Jihoon manages a tiny smile.

            “That’s so cool! So you’re really into music then?” Kihyun asks.

            “Yeah! I absolutely love music. I want to be a producer someday, but for now I’m just making a living.” Jihoon smiles.

            “I’m super into music too, I run a dance studio downtown, that was my outlet of music.” Kihyun laughs.

            And the two of them chat happily for a while, before Kihyun invites Jihoon to dance, when he notices Jihoon tapping his fingertips on the table to the beat of a song. Jihoon gladly accepts and the two of them dance together. Kihyun is definitely a dancer, but he doesn’t put Jihoon to shame about it, they just sway to the beat and twirl around one another, laughing and having fun. After quite a few songs of dancing, Kihyun and Jihoon exchange numbers, before one of Kihyun’s friend lets him know that they’re leaving, and he and Kihyun say their goodbyes.

            Jihoon saunters back to the bar, feeling a bit better after having made a new friend. That is until he notices Soonyoung blushing like a maniac, before he leans in to kiss Seokmin.

            Jihoon’s heart shatters, and he wants nothing more than to cry. But he refused to cry in public, let alone over Soonyoung. He wouldn’t let Wonwoo be able to mock him for that. So he orders three more shots, and of course, gets ID’ed. Upon proving that he _is_ in fact, older than 15, like everyone seems to think he is, he takes each shot in his hand and tosses them back, giving no fucks about how it burned, or how much his heart was aching.

            Jihoon can’t stop himself from glancing over at Soonyoung and Seokmin, the latter of which was just giggling and blushing, while Soonyoung is giving Seokmin little kisses. Jihoon feels like his whole world is being squished, like an ant. He looks away, and orders something more than a shot, and sips it, staring down into the glass, while the alcohol works its way into his system.

            About twenty minutes later, he finds himself stumbling over to Wonwoo, and complaining about it all, before he feels the tears start up. He didn’t want Wonwoo to know that he was really crying about Soonyoung, that’s why he had planned to drink- so he could cry, without question.

            But in said drunken state, he couldn’t find a way to keep the words to himself, and he sniffles, wiping at the tear or two that falls from his eyes.

            Jihoon is literally crying in the club.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            Jihoon wakes up the next morning, not hungover but not exactly feeling great. Mostly he feels tired, more so than usual, and confused. He was home, but he remembers Mingyu agreeing to make sure Seokmin and Soonyoung got home okay, while Wonwoo got an Uber for himself and Jihoon, and Wonwoo took him to his and Mingyu’s house, so Jihoon could cry it out. He remembers falling asleep, but apparently one of the two had brought him home.

            And then Jihoon started to feel like crap again.

            Soonyoung had _kissed_ Seokmin.

            Jihoon felt like dirt.

            So he spent his Sunday morning curled up in bed crying, and watching lame movies on Netflix that nobody has ever heard of. He was a train wreck. He felt alone. Jihoon sat there and mocked people and their poor choices in rom coms, and laughed at clichés in horror movies, and swore and booed kissing couples on screen. Jihoon was on his third movie when Soonyoung came into his room, face as red as a tomato, squealing.

            Jihoon just stared at him, watching him flop onto Jihoon’s bed, while making inhuman sounds. Jihoon hated that Soonyoung was so happy, when he was miserable. Jihoon hated himself, for seeing that Soonyoung is happy, and being unhappy with that fact.

            “Woozi! I freaking kissed Seokmin last night!” Soonyoung squeals.

            “Yeah, I know.” Jihoon grumbles.

            “It was amazing! Seokmin was such a gentleman too! He walked me right up to the door last night and kissed me good night! Except Mingyu was there, too, just to make sure we made it there alright.”

            “Yeah, I know.”

            “And then Seokmin came in and made sure I brushed my teeth, and that I was laying on my side, in case I threw up, and he even left me some Advil and a glass of water, in case I woke up with a headache! Isn’t he just the sweetest?”

            Jihoon wished he didn’t know. But he did. It all hit him, then, what had happened last night. Jihoon had _not,_ in fact, fallen asleep. He broke into Wonwoo and Mingyu’s wine supply and had more to drink, while Wonwoo was up in the bathroom. Wonwoo promptly took it away, and told Jihoon that ‘maybe their apartment wasn’t so safe for the heartbroken lightweight,’ and walked him home. And Jihoon, upon arriving home, didn’t find Soonyoung. So he waited up, like he always did when Soonyoung didn’t come home right away, just so that he could tuck his drunk ass in. He watched reality TV until Soonyoung got home, where he watched Seokmin tuck the other into bed and ask Jihoon where the Advil was.

            And Jihoon was more broken over the fact that he wasn’t the one taking care of Soonyoung anymore. Seokmin had taken his place.

            “Yeah. I know.” Jihoon is even quieter now, and he stares back at his laptop screen, trying to hide the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

            “And he’s so hot, and he’s charming, and he’s just… amazing! He told me this joke, and-”

            “Soonyoung. Leave my room. Please. I’m hungover. You’re loud.” Jihoon lies, and he’s lucky his voice isn’t cracking. Soonyoung stops dead in his tracks.

            “Oh. Sorry!” Soonyoung whispers, figuring that Jihoon is just cranky because he doesn’t feel great. But usually, when he doesn’t feel great, he gets clingy, and wants to cuddle. This must be bad. “You want Advil? Breakfast? Cuddles?”

            Jihoon just shakes his head, his eyes closing.  Soonyoung just nods and pats his shoulder, deciding its best to leave the man be, and check in on him every once in a while.

            “Ok. Let me know it you need anything. I’ll check in in a little while.” Soonyoung says softly, before leaving the room.

            Jihoon waits to hear Soonyoung’s footsteps make their way into the living room, and then he starts sobbing into his pillow. _Fuck you, Wonwoo, for making me realize I’m in love with someone who won’t ever love me back._

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            It’s been three weeks, and Jihoon is miserable. Soonyoung doesn’t seem to shut up about Seokmin, who has been over a good three times, at least three times that Jihoon knows of, and it’s just because he’s slipping out of Soonyoung’s room with messy hair and fresh hickies, or shuffling out of Soonyoung’s room in the morning, rummaging through the fridge looking for breakfast, without a shirt on. And when he wasn’t in their apartment, it was like he was, with how much Soonyoung talked about him.

            The whole time, Jihoon just had to pretend to be happy. That, in itself, is agony. Smiling while Soonyoung talks about something cute Seokmin did, or how he had the best sex last night with Seokmin, or how Seokmin helped him bake for his last customer. Jihoon was struggling.

            School finished last week, so Jihoon’s only income and work time was from the baseball team, and the music lessons he taught. Lately, he’d been loading on as many lessons as he could, to be out of the house, and away from Soonyoung. He’d even started helping Wonwoo out around the music shop. 

            But that did nothing for times like these, when he could literally _hear_ Soonyoung and Seokmin in Soonyoung’s room, going at it like Jihoon isn’t even home. Times when Jihoon had nothing to do. Wonwoo is out on some picnic date with Mingyu, and honestly, Mingyu and Wonwoo are his only friends, outside of Soonyoung. So Jihoon texts Kihyun, who he had occasionally been texting lately, to try and get out of the house.

            Kihyun answers right away and offered to get a cup of coffee. Jihoon complies, his heart warming a little at the idea of a nice hot coffee, and tells him to meet him in twenty minutes.

            “Kihyun, remember at the bar, when I explained my love life situation to you?” Jihoon sips his bitter, black liquid from its mug, after asking his question in a small voice. Kihyun nods and hums, indicating that he remembers. “Well, Seokmin and Soonyoung are a thing now… And I’m sort of in hell… I just…. I have to _pretend_ to be happy, and that’s the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do… Everything just hurts…”

            “Hey. It’s okay, Jihoon.” Kihyun reaches over and gently pats Jihoon’s hand, which is now resting on the table beside his mug of coffee. “It’s going to feel that way. Getting over unrequited love is… Perhaps harder than a breakup. Breakups, you can at least… delete things, and get angry about things, and tell stories about… Crushes… Well, the relationship never existed. There’s no satisfaction in being able to erase things or erase your feelings. There’s nothing physical to be rid of, to make you feel free. You just imagine everything that could have been, everything that you wanted to happen. You have to train your brain not to think about that stuff anymore.”

            Jihoon just looks at him and sighs, nodding, while he processes Kihyun’s words, and then takes another sip of his coffee.

            “Just know that I’ll help if you need me to. If you need to get away from it, just let me know and I’ll get my spare room ready for guests. It’s become a bit of a gaming space lately.” Kihyun gives him a small smile, and Jihoon finds himself letting a smile creep onto his lips.  “You want to go see a movie? We have the whole day ahead of us.”

            “Sure. A movie sounds good.” Jihoon nods, feeling a bit lighter.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            As the weeks go on, Soonyoung talks less and less of Seokmin. But that’s because he’s spending more and more time with Seokmin. Meaning Jihoon sees less and less of Soonyoung.

            Jihoon is still jealous. And Jihoon is still hurting.

            And so, he begins his apartment search. Being around Soonyoung and having contact with him isn’t helping his case any. He just continues to fawn over his roommate, and dreams about being held by him, and Jihoon wants to be able to let go.

            It’s not like Soonyoung does much with him anymore anyways. He’s too busy with Seokmin or work, that Jihoon doesn’t get much time with him anymore. That hurts Jihoon, possibly more than the fact that Soonyoung broke his heart. It’s the fact that Soonyoung practically cut him off from his life, the fact that Jihoon was left in the dust, the fact that Soonyoung didn’t seem to need him anymore.

            Jihoon is a mess. His heart is a mess, his mind is a mess, his relationship with Soonyoung is a mess. Everything is messy.  Jihoon hates that. Wonwoo, on the other hand, is planning to propose to Mingyu, and has a good job, and a good relationship. They got _cats_ together, for fucks sake.

            But here Jihoon is, eating another pint of ice cream (the fourth one in the last month), looking through a realtor’s website, while listening to BLACKPINK, and trying to rope Kihyun into coming with him to an open house for an apartment, when Soonyoung bursts through his door.

            “Jihoon, Seokmin has been weird lately. And I need your advice.” Soonyoung states with a tiny sigh, and flops on his roommate’s bed.

            At the mention of Seokmin, it takes every fiber of Jihoon’s being not to groan out loud. Why Jihoon? Why was it _him_ that Soonyoung just _had_ to ask for advice from? Jihoon doesn’t want to help. He wants the two of them to fall apart, because Jihoon is being selfish. But Jihoon is a good friend, at least, so he just tells Soonyoung to ‘hit him’ with the situation.

            “So I was at his house today, and he turned down sex. And he’s been… Distant. Like he doesn’t want to do the whole PDA thing anymore, he just seems… awkward. And now _I_ feel awkward, because every time I try to kiss him, he turns away, and settles for a kiss on the cheek. I mean, he wasn’t exactly the biggest on PDA in the first place, but now it’s been extreme. He won’t even hold my hand anymore. Do you think he’s bored? That he doesn’t want me anymore? Do you think he’s cheating?”

            “Woah, okay, way to jump to conclusions, Soonyoung. I barely know Seokmin and I know he wouldn’t cheat on anyone. He’s too… sunshine-y and giggly and happy-go-lucky. He’s not a cheater, no matter how much he doesn’t like whoever he’s dating. And that being said, he doesn’t not want you anymore. That’s a lot of double-negatives, I know. But anyways, Seokmin is a straightforward guy. He couldn’t lie to anyone even if he wanted too. He’d tell you he didn’t want you if he wasn’t interested anymore.

            “Being bored isn’t an issue either. Chances are, he’s moved out of the puppy love phase, and into something a lot more chilled out. As for the rejecting sex… He’s what, a TV show host or something? He probably has a crazy busy schedule and was just exhausted. Relax, Soonyoung. Seokmin wouldn’t lead you on.” Jihoon hates that he’s reassuring the man he loves on his relationship with someone else. He wishes Seokmin weren’t so good a person, because then maybe he _would_ be a cheater.

            “You think so? I don’t know what to think, Jihoon…” Soonyoung sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. Jihoon’s heart flutters at that movement. That was incredibly sexy. At least it would be more so, if Soonyoung wasn’t doing it because he was stressed out over his relationship with someone else. That was a real turn off.

            “I’m sure of it. If you’re so worried, why don’t you just talk to him about it? Just bring up your concern. It’ll spark a conversation. Okay?”

            Soonyoung is nodding a little. “Alright… I’ll talk to him about it when he gets back from shooting the new season of the show. He’s doing this new segment on his show, so he has to go away for a bit. He’s also been asked to be in a new K-drama! Isn’t that cool?”

            Jihoon barely contained his eyeroll. Here we go again, with the incessant Seokmin talk.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            Two weeks. Two weeks straight that Soonyoung has been home with Jihoon, causing Jihoon to have to sneak out to go out on his apartment searches. He drags Kihyun and Wonwoo to most of them, and he’s looked at six or seven places so far. Today, Wonwoo was sending him to bring Mingyu apartment shopping with him, so that Wonwoo could set up his proposal.

            Jihoon drags Mingyu to an open house with him. A random one, that he never really looked at before he decided he was going to it. It’s a penthouse, which seems lonely to Jihoon. But Jihoon _is_ lonely, after all. And the penthouse seems cool, too. It’s the epitome of a bachelor pad. And Jihoon is a bachelor, as well. He could bring home whoever he wants, make them breakfast in the morning, and send them on their way.

            Jihoon also has a view of a lot more than he does in his tiny apartment with Soonyoung. Since the penthouse is the top floor of the building, he can see so much more of the city and the life within it. Being way up here makes Jihoon feel powerful.

            That’s not to mention how spacious the penthouse is. He has even more space than in that tiny apartment. He has all this space to himself. He has room for a whole piano, and his guitar, and whatever other instruments he wants. Jihoon can do whatever he wants with the space.

            Unfortunately, penthouses are much costlier than just about any other living in the city. And Jihoon is broke. He’s broke after spending his whole $8,000 on a stupid kitchen for his stupid roommate, the one he has a stupid crush on, with no chance of ever having feelings returned, the stupid roommate who’s wrapped around Seokmin’s stupid finger.

            Jihoon keeps Mingyu entertained until he receives a text from Wonwoo, telling him that he was ready for Mingyu to come back. So Jihoon drives him back to the mall, dropping him at his car, before he peels off again. Jihoon has no idea where he’s going.

            Jihoon finds himself in front of Wonwoo’s music shop, and he uses his spare key to let himself in. He wanders to the lesson room, and sits at the piano, plunking out some notes and some little tune. He then turns to his guitar and plucks at the strings of that, creating a melody, and humming some stuff along with it. Jihoon loves music. It’s his escape. He doesn’t have to think about anything, he doesn’t have to think about his feelings, or the situation he’s in. He can just focus on what he’s creating, and the sounds in his ears, and the feelings he gets when he’s playing his music, or any music at all. Sometimes he writes down some words or poems or lyrics to go with whatever music he makes, but he rarely ever makes a whole song. He could though, if he really wanted to.

            Tonight is a whole song night. Jihoon finds paper and is scribbling rhythms and notes on it, and some words to go with the song. He sits there for he doesn’t know how long, just composing whatever he wants, looking a bit like a mad man. He’s not cognizant of how much time has passed, until he hears his phone going off next to him.

            Glancing down at the screen, he sees that it reads 12:26 am. And Jihoon sees that he has about fifteen missed texts from Soonyoung, and three previously missed calls from him as well. “Shit,” is all Jihoon says, before swiping the button on the screen to receive the call. He doesn’t even manage to get a hello in before Soonyoung is shouting into the phone.

            “Jihoon?! Where the hell are you?! It’s past midnight, and you said you were going out for dinner with this Kihyun guy?! Who _is_ Kihyun?! Are you hurt? Did he kill you? DID YOU GET LAID?! Jihoon what is going on where are you why aren’t you home-”

            “SOONYOUNG!” Jihoon has to shout over his roommate, to get him to shut up. It’s effective. “I’m fine. I stopped at the shop to play around with the piano. I’m coming home now. Bye.” And with that, he hangs up, gathers up his scribbles on paper, and shoves them onto a bookshelf with all the practice song books, hoping he never sees it again.

            Upon arriving home, Soonyoung tackles him into a hug. “I was so worried about you! I don’t know this Kihyun man, and I thought he had kidnapped you or murdered you or something and I tried to find him but I didn’t know his last name and there are _so many_ Kihyuns out there, that I couldn’t get a solid find on anyone, and then I started freaking out because I thought I’d never see you again, and-”

            Again, Jihoon finds himself calling out Soonyoung’s name to hush him. Jihoon takes his face gently and wipes the few tears that slip down his roommate’s cheeks. “Soonbug, I’m fine. Okay? You should go to sleep, you look exhausted, and you’re a bit of a mess right now.”

            “Woozi…? Can we cuddle? Please…?” Soonyoung looks at him, eyes still misty with tears, and the smallest of frowns still upon his lips. His voice is so quiet and small, and Jihoon’s heart aches for him. Jihoon knows that he’s not saying no to that face, not while his heart is still racing from their proximity, and the fact that Soonyoung had called him _Woozi_ for the first time in weeks.

            “Of course…” Jihoon’s own voice is soft and he can’t contain the small smile that softens his cold, hard expression. “You can go lay in my room, I’ll be in after I’ve brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas.”

            Soonyoung nods and shuffles down to Jihoon’s room, while Jihoon completes his nightly routine. He heads to his room and sees Soonyoung curled in a tiny ball under Jihoon’s blankets, and Jihoon’s heart flutters, and his stomach gets all tangled up into a knot, while feathers tickle his insides. Jihoon feels light, and soft. He’s missed Soonyoung. He’s missed Soonyoung so damn much, and he’s going to miss Soonyoung even more when he closes the deal on one of the apartments tomorrow.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            Jihoon wakes up and stretches his limbs a bit, before he rubs his eyes and glances at the time. 9:02 am. He then realizes that Soonyoung is no longer beside him, and that he can smell something cooking in the kitchen. Jihoon wanders from his bed and moseys to the kitchen, where he finds Soonyoung making blueberry pancakes, his cute little apron on, the one that has ‘Hoshi Cupcakes’ written on it in some cute, swirly, lilac colored font, and is covered in peach and teal colored stars.

            “Morning, Soonbug…” Jihoon mumbles.

            “Good morning Wooz! I have some stuff to talk to you about over breakfast.” Soonyoung is chipper as usual- he’s always bright, but he’s especially so in the mornings.

            “Oh, so _that’s_ why you’re making me breakfast. You’re gonna drop a bomb on me or something, by telling me that you’re engaged or something, is that it?” Jihoon, on the other hand, is a rain cloud. He’s especially sarcastic and brooding in the morning.

            Soonyoung laughs, which is like music to Jihoon’s ears. “You got me! Except that’s not the things I had to say.” Soonyoung shuts the stove off, and sets two plates on the table, one in front of Jihoon and one in his usual table spot, before he tosses the mixing bowl in the sink and unties his apron, hanging it from its usual hook beside the last countertop. Soonyoung sits in his spot and cuts into his pancakes.

            Jihoon digs into his own pancakes, too tired to try and think of all that Soonyoung could say to him. “So? What is it?” He deadpans.

            “Seokmin and I broke up. I’ve kinda realized that I was holding on to the thought of being in love with him, and I- I don’t know how to explain it. I just realized, that… I didn’t want him like that. Like, he’d make a great boyfriend, and he was one, it’s just… He’s not… He made a better friend than boyfriend, at least for what I want in a boyfriend. It’s like…. he’s been gone for like three weeks, and I just… I wasn’t missing him, at least not missing his attention and wanting nothing more than to kiss him. I don’t know, I guess I went a bit overboard in the beginning because I was trying to convince _myself_ that he’s the one I wanted.

            “It was a mutual thing, too. I called him last night to tell him about what I’d realized, and he was _relieved._ He told me that he was trying to find a way to let me down, and that’s why he had been so distant before he left. He had realized that he liked me better as a friend.” Soonyoung shrugs. “I know this is sudden…”

            Jihoon just blinks, his jaw dropped. _Soonyoung had broken up with Seokmin._

            “I’m sure none of my explanation really makes much sense to you… It does in my head, and this feels right… Not being with Seokmin. I don’t know, Jihoon. I just- I was… It all seemed so weird to me. Like some part of me always knew that Seokmin really wasn’t much to me- that sounds awful, because he’s honestly one of my best friends, but I just- I mean in terms of love, he wasn’t much to me.”

            Jihoon is speechless. He quite literally cannot compute anything going on in his head at the moment. Jihoon’s least favorite couple is no more. Soonyoung is free. Soonyoung is _back._ “Is this a prank? A joke?! What is this?”

            Now it’s Soonyoung’s turn to blink. “A joke? Why would this be a joke? Jihoon, are you okay?”

            “I- holy shit, Soonyoung… This really _is_ sudden… How- why-” Jihoon shakes his head, blinking. “Never mind. I’m sorry that you broke up with him… I guess? These are really good pancakes.”

            “Thank you? To the break up thing, I think… I don’t really know… But I’m really glad you like the pancakes.” Soonyoung gives Jihoon that squishy, soft, smile of his. The one that makes Jihoon’s heart fly.

            “They’re really good. You’re the best, Soonbug.” Jihoon feels lighter now, but almost guilty. He’s only happy because Soonyoung is single. And why is he so happy about that? He still has no shot with him, and now his best friend is just as lonely as he is. _What is wrong with you, Jihoon?_

            Soonyoung and Jihoon finish their pancakes with some playful chatter, before Jihoon declares he’s doing the dishes and then he’s going to shower. And that’s exactly what he does. He cleans all their plates and the mixing bowl and the pan, and lets them dry, before he heads to the bathroom to start up a nice, hot shower.

            About halfway through his shower, Soonyoung is knocking on the bathroom door and poking his head in. “Can I use your computer? I need to look up a recipe, that one of my customers has asked me to make. Chan is fixing the DVD port on my laptop since it fell off my bed when I was rushing to get ready.”

            “Sure, just leave it on my desk when you’re done.” Jihoon says, not giving it a second thought.

            “Thanks!” Soonyoung closes the door behind him, and Jihoon continues scrubbing shampoo through his hair.

            And that’s when Jihoon remembers all the realtor pages pulled up on his laptop. And how Soonyoung is going to find them. “Fuck!” Jihoon quickly starts trying to rinse the shampoo from his hair, and condition it. The shampoo isn’t even out of his hair and he’s trying to run conditioner through it, dropping the bottle on his toe, swearing again, and rinsing it as quickly as he can before he stumbles from the shower, hair still slightly full of soap, grabbing a towel and shutting the water off, when Soonyoung bursts through the door in tears.

            “You’re leaving me?!” Soonyoung practically wails, sinking to the ground.

            He was always known to be dramatic. But Jihoon feels his heart shattering all over again. “Soonbug, I-”

            “No!” Soonyoung sobs. “You can’t go! I won’t let you! I need you, Jihoon! I- I miss you, I don’t want you to go…?” Soonyoung is hugging his knees to his chest, crying loudly, a tiny ball of sadness.

            “Soonbug…” Jihoon reaches out for him, but Soonyoung just shies away.

            “N-no! I can’t believe you! We just got our kitchen and now you want to fucking go away! Why?! Why aren’t you going to just stay with me?!” Soonyoung is yelling and clutching the laptop to his body, his body shaking with his sobs. “Why do you want to leave me?”

            Jihoon’s heart is breaking all over again. “Soonyoung, I-”

            “I know I haven’t been the best of friends lately, but I didn’t think I was that bad… I’m sorry I’m a terrible person… I’m sorry I let Seokmin get in the way of our friendship… Please don’t go, Jihoon… You keep me grounded and you take care of me… I’ll be a better friend, I promise…”

            Friend. There’s that damn word again. All Soonyoung _wants_ is to be _friends._ Jihoon sighs. “Soonyoung, that’s not why I wanted to leave… I mean it is but it isn’t… Soonyoung, I- I wanted to leave because you broke my fucking heart. You and Seokmin, I just… I was so… Head over heels for you, and then Seokmin came out of nowhere and you just… obliterated my heart, and I couldn’t take it. I’m weak, Soonyoung. I don’t think I’ve ever cared for someone like I care for you and you _replaced_ me…

            “I was the one that took care of you after you got drunk, and then _he_ did it, and I was the one that kept you calm and then _he_ came and started doing that for you, and I was the one that used to help you bake and then _he_ did it… Soonyoung, that hurt, it hurt more than any hurt I’ve ever felt before. I don’t know how you feel about me, but I’m guessing it’s not the same, and- I needed to be away from you to be able to fix myself, and my stupid broken heart. I still care about you, but I couldn’t go on like that. I couldn’t keep pining after you, when you weren’t even going to look my way.

                “I- I’m supposed to close on the apartment I want today, this afternoon… It’s a nice place. I’m sorry this is so abrupt, Soonyoung… I didn’t think you’d care if I just left… I was being selfish and I’m sorry… Please understand where I’m coming from, Soonyoung… I genuinely think I’m in love with you, and- based on the look of shock you have on your face I’m guessing you don’t feel that way. I just- it’s only temporary, I’m only getting a six month lease, I- I could come back here, if you still want me to in six months, but- I just- I need _time,_ Soonyoung.” Jihoon can’t even look at the other boy now, tears are streaming down his face. He dares taking a glance up at his roommate.

                Soonyoung just sits there, tears in his own eyes, while staring at him. He looks confused, shocked, perhaps horrified? Or maybe that’s Jihoon’s brain telling him that Soonyoung hates him now that he knows.

                But Soonyoung unfurls himself from the ball he’s in, and lets the laptop slide onto the floor next to him, and he’s tackling Jihoon into a hug. “I’m sorry, Jihoon… I’m sorry that I put you through all that and that you were suffering and I was oblivious…”

                Jihoon hugs him back, missing the feeling of holding onto Soonyoung, and clings to him, not caring that he’s still dripping wet from the shower and slightly soapy, and neither does Soonyoung. They stay like that for a while, shedding a few more tears, before Soonyoung moves away, and holds onto Jihoon’s shoulders, staring into his eyes. “Take whatever time you need… I’ll keep the apartment open as long as I can… I don’t- I don’t want to lose you as a friend… But I don’t- I don’t think I’ve ever thought about you… as a boyfriend or a crush… At least I don’t think so…                 Jihoon shrugs. “It is what it is. I promise you I’ll text you when I’m ready. I’d love to at least keep you as a friend. I just have to get over… the heartache, I guess. Thank you, Soonyoung. But don’t leave it open if you can’t afford it. If you need a roommate to help pay for things I understand. I don’t expect you to keep it open for me.”                 Soonyoung nods and lets out a tiny sniffle. “I’m gonna miss you, Woozi…”

                “And I’ll miss you, Soonbug…”

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

                It’s been two months since Soonyoung has seen or heard from Jihoon, but after three days without Jihoon, it hit him. The emptiness in the apartment, the lack of desire to move from his own bed, the sudden void in his chest- Soonyoung loved Jihoon. He wanted him just as bad as Jihoon probably wanted him, he realized.

                Soonyoung is cognizant of the hole left in his heart, and the ache he feels in his whole body, the ache that he feels when he thinks of Jihoon. Soonyoung wants nothing more than to call Jihoon, but he doesn’t. He can’t bring himself to, not when he thinks of what Jihoon suffered through, and the fact that he was willing to leave just to escape it. Soonyoung feels stupid, and he’s mad that he didn’t realize it before.

                He just wants to be able to bake with someone, and he wants someone to take care of him when he’s drunk and he wants someone to be able to call no matter what, and he wants someone to hold at night.

                And he wants that to be Jihoon.

                It’s a Thursday, and somehow miraculously, he dragged himself from bed, and ran a brush through his hair, and went to the store on an empty stomach, to get the necessary items for his latest cake order. He shuffles through the supermarket on autopilot, heading straight for the baking aisle, occasionally tugging his worn out sweatpants up.

                “Why these sweatpants?” Soonyoung grumbles quietly, grumpy now that he remembers these are the ones with the worn out elastic in the waistband. He’s so focused on trying to roll the top band over, in an attempt to keep them up, that he accidentally runs into someone.

                “OI! Watch it you ass- Soonyoung?!”

                Soonyoung’s head snaps up, and that’s when he finds himself staring down into the eyes of none other than Lee Jihoon.

                “I- Woozi?!” Soonyoung’s eyes widen in shock, and he feels his heart racing. Jihoon’s angry face melts into the softest of smiles.

                “Hi, Soonbug…” Jihoon’s smile is sheepish and nervous. Soonyoung drops the empty basket he was holding and grabs Jihoon, pulling him in for a hug. Jihoon lets out a soft ‘oof’ and drops the basket he was clutching in one of his small hands.

                “I miss you so much, Jihoon… I- I want you to come back… Please…” Soonyoung whispers.

                “Soonyoung, I- I’m not-“

                “Please say you’re not over me… I- fuck, it took three days without you, and my heart was aching, Jihoon, my whole body hurt and I didn’t want to get out of bed… I want _you_ , Jihoon… I miss having to wake your stupid grumpy ass up in the mornings, and watching movies while you graded homework and eating left over cupcakes and licking frosting off of spoons and snuggling when it’s been a bad day, and going to watch your baseball team, and being able to cook for you.

                “I miss hearing you sing with BLACKPINK in the car, and around the house, and I miss having you take care of me when I’m drunk and knowing that you’ll be there for me when something goes wrong… Jihoon I need you to come back, these two months have been hell without you…” Soonyoung doesn’t even notice the tears rolling down his cheeks, at least he doesn’t until he feels Jihoon moving, reaching up to gently wipe the tears away with his thumb.

                “Soonbug, I’d love to come back, but my lease isn’t up for another four months, unfortunately… Don’t cry, baby…” Jihoon gently runs a hand through Soonyoung’s hair and keeps wiping the boy’s tears away with the end of his sweatshirt sleeve.

                “Then be in my life again, at least, please Jihoon…” Soonyoung sniffles, hiccupping as he tries to contain his tears, his heart screaming for Jihoon.

                “All you had to do was say so, Soonbug. I’m here, and I’ll stay… I’ll be all yours, my love. I promise.” Jihoon’s voice is soft and quiet, and he’s giving Soonyoung the most calming, reassuring look.

                “Be mine, please, Jihoon…” Soonyoung can’t help but plead, feeling like he’s going to lose Jihoon all over again.

                “I will, Soonyoung. I’d love to. Now lets get you calmed down, okay? We’ll do your breathing and then we can finish up at the store and we can go cuddle at the old apartment, okay?”

                Soonyoung agrees and let’s Jihoon lead him through the breathing exercises. Jihoon grabs the supplies for Soonyoung’s cake, pays for all the groceries, even Soonyoung’s, and helps him load them into the car. After getting back to Soonyoung’s apartment, Jihoon unloads the car while Soonyoung lays on the couch, whining about wanting to cuddle.

                Jihoon complies, and lays on top of Soonyoung for a while, staying snuggled up to him. Jihoon gets Soonyoung to smile after another hour of snuggling with him on the couch, which makes Jihoon’s heart flutter for the first time in forever. Jihoon decides that he missed that feeling.

                He then manages to coax him off the couch and into the kitchen to get started on the cake that needs to be finished for tomorrow. Eventually, Jihoon gets Soonyoung to laugh while they (mostly Jihoon) make a mess of the baker’s kitchen and tells him the stories of the countless dates that Mingyu and Kihyun tried to set him up on.

                “Wait so that guy really wore a fur coat and sunglasses for the entire date? _Inside?!”_ Soonyoung is crying and clutching at his stomach, holding onto one of the beaters covered in the frosting he just made, while Jihoon nods and giggles, licking the remaining frosting off the beater he had stolen from Soonyoung.

                “Mhmm! And he had the weirdest voice and he looked like he was from a really poorly made American rap music video from 2007. He looked like the kind of guy who would have bikini-clad women grinding on him. He took one look at me and said ‘I think there’s been a mistake. I thought you were a woman, but you can still buy me dinner, if you want.’ I almost punched him, but I managed to refrain.”

                “ _He_ wanted _you_ to pay? What an ass!” Soonyoung finishes licking the frosting off the beater that Jihoon hadn’t stolen and wipes the tears from laughing off his cheeks. Jihoon shrugs and sticks the beater into the dishwasher, before he takes the now frosting-free one from Soonyoung.

                “Wait, Jihoon, you have something…” Soonyoung grabs Jihoon’s arm gently before he turns away, and pulls the man to face him once again, holding his face while he gently runs his thumb over his lower lip, gently wiping away a bit of frosting. Soonyong quickly looks it up, still cupping Jihoon’s face with one hand, and notices that Jihoon is still gazing up at him, eyes soft and full of happiness and wonder. Soonyoung finds himself staring right back into Jihoon’s brown eyes, and before he knows it, all he feels are lips on his.

                Jihoon’s heart is racing and he can feel his cheeks growing warmer and warmer by the second, and internally his brain is screaming, because this is it.

                He’s finally kissing Soonyoung.

                Jihoon is officially Soonyoung’s. And Soonyoung is officially Jihoon’s.


End file.
